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Well, it has been a while. I haven't had much to say I guess. Life is life. I've gotten much lazier, that's for sure. I don't get around to homework until 11 or 12 at night! It's crazy. I really got to step on it. OMG college admissions will be sent in a few weeks. It will be such a crazy time. I can't wait and yet I get anxious considering all the rejects I may receive. We'll see how things work out.

fnals

Yikes, finals are just around the corner. All my classes have some pretty intense tests prepared. I have to focus and get the studying done once and for all!

major embarrassment

Today has been quite a surprise. The weather forecasted stated the weather would be in the mid-70s, oh and yes it was, for like two hours! I walk to school in a dress and feel fine. Then, coming out of first period, a gust of wind chills me and I race my way into my next class. To make matters worse, I left material I needed for second period in the music room, so I had to run there and run back, looking very unprofessional. Fourth period, oh fourth period. I was peacefully sitting on the risers, when suddenly I felt slight instability in one of my leg chairs, for around seven seconds, and then I came crashing to the floor! I suffered major embarrassment, because I feel like my dress flew up too! Thank god I wasn't injured, and neither was my violin. I didn't see that coming, is all I can say.

up and trying to forget

Wow, I woke up at 4:30 AM today. I really have such weird sleeping patterns.

I'll be completely honest with myself now: I'm too scared to go into a relationship. There, I said it. I think I love to have control over my life. I know that sounds weird, but I never really take risks. I like to follow everything step by step and insure that it will work out alright. For relationships, I can't fathom how they turn out. I've seen how impossible that a true a relationship can last in high school. But am I really looking for one? It's hard to say. I think I've already lived my life to the fullest (yes, I'm still young) so I don't necessarily feel like I'm missing out on anything. Maybe it'll just happen sometime down the road when I realize I can let go of my insecurities..

This is currently my favorite song. I love the delicate lines that are pent up with emotion. Even though I don't understand any Korean, I still enjoy the music.

feeling accomplished

Yesterday, I had a 2hr violin sectional with an amazing teacher. I really like how she defines precisely what the music should sound like , and now I feel a lot more comfortable with expression. The key is to sing your part and that's a guide to how your instrument should sound too.

Which leads to today. I'm proud to say I played the violin for over five hours today!! It's insane how I don't feel exactly drained by it either. I have this bad habit of not practicing my violin on a daily basis. But when I do take it out of my case, I can go on for hours and not realize time is passing by so quickly.

On a different note, I'm starting to think about whether or not I'm a good person..I feel like I get my work done and enjoy life, and yet there's that empty feeling. I don't have close friends whom I can confide too. Is it really my problem that I can't open up? It's tough to really let it all out in the open. I can be extremely talkative, but even that seems forced. I don't know. Am I really that weird? I feel like no out there really wants to be my friend or are intimidated by me. I wish I didn't give that impression. Hmm, or maybe high school is by nature extremely cliquey. Whatever the case, I hope one day I do find a true friend.

My Girl

This is the Korean drama that got me crazy about dramas in general. I think it was all the way back in '07 that I was watching it on TV, then searched for it on Youtube, and finally opened my eyes to the endless websites that aired hundreds of dramas.

When I first started watching dramas,  I laughed and cried through them. I was emotionally attached to them, and loved how dramatic everything was. Love seemed so perfect and intense, and I craved for it myself. I loved how nice the male characters were and thought everything was 'happily ever after.' However, watching a few more dramas caused me to see past the love and become quite cynical. Now, I can't cry through a single movie or drama. It's sad and I'm not sure exactly what happened, but something did.

My Girl is hilarious. The antics Yoo Rin pulls are daring and silly, and Gong Chan's smile is quite breathtaking. I love how their bond actually evolves slowly and they make an adorable couple. I held my breath for them and cried with them through their hardships. The plot was great, but I kind of dislike the drastic mood shift from light and funny to depressing and bitter.

early bird

I don't know why but I always wake up between 6 and 7 am daily. I have this internal clock that forces me to wake up so early. I find this a great thing because I feel like I can do so much more with these extra hours.....NOT. It's saddening how I never end up doing actual work, but actually surf through the internet, etc.

Anyways, yesterday, I attended my friend's birthday party. He turned the BIG 18!! He's super chill and charming. I saw a lot of people whom I bonded with back in elementary and middle school, but didn't see a lot in high school. I was kind of sad that I didn't really have much to say to them because everyone has changed so much. For me, personally, I took such challenging courses throughout high school that I ended up bonding with people a higher grade up. I wish that I tried to connect more with my old friends. OH WELL. Life moves on and I can just make new ones, I guess. Well, I did find a group of people to talk to in the end, thank god. I know some juniors from classes and orchestra and those are the people I ended up mingling with the entire night! It was very fun talking to them. All in all, I had a great time.

There's something about dancing that I just can't seem to get. I find it amazing how people can let loose and just bob to the music like there's no tomorrow. They live so much in the moment, that I look at myself and ask, "Why can't I do that?" I've concluded that these people are not even really dancing, but really just hopping around, and doing weird body contortions, but they totally OWN IT. I think that's the key to not looking silly when you dance. You have to be completely confident about yourself and not show that you're embarrassed. It's really something I have to work on. It hopefully will happen, some day!

I just realized I can go on and on about my thoughts, but I'll stop here for now. Ttyl!

hey there

i'm new. i'm starting this blog because i realized i have too many thoughts circling around in my head. i hope that by writing them out, i can become more satisfied with my life.